Say Something
by Aigerim Lehane
Summary: "Never thought that out of all people to cut me so deep, it would be you that hurt the most."


_I have no idea what this is. I was listening to "Say Something" by A Great Big World and this happened. The song can be treated as the soundtrack._

_I guess I'll make up for all the angst in "Sexual Tension At Its Finest" :)_

_Please review and let me know what you think. I'm curious to see how the story is received._

_Tori might be OOC. Or not._

* * *

"Karma. I'd say karma is happening."

Her words are hollow as she struggles to get them out through her unshed tears, and I try to keep my expression as neutral as possible. With the storm raging inside me, it's not that easy.

She smirks – I just know that she does even though I stand with my back to her – the same broken smirk she got after the first time she made love to me. The smirk I put on her face too many times for me to count.

"Bad guy never gets the girl, huh," a smirk shatters even more, and I turn around against my will, swallowing hard at the look on her face.

It's true. A bad guy never gets the girl, only Jade doesn't know that the bad guy here is me.

"Don't make a big deal out of it," I find myself saying coldly, watching as she crumbles inside at the ice in my tone. "You knew what this was, and love was never a part of the agreement."

She nods, laughing bitterly, her eyes crazy, her posture wild. She's about to snap, and I physically restrain myself from reaching out to her, fighting the urge to soothe the pain and make it all go away.

It's not the job for me, so I stay put. I stay and I break her heart, and I wish I could say that some dark twisted part of me was enjoying it, but it's not.

The ache is agonizingly deep in my chest as I stand there, hurting her in every way imaginable.

"No, it wasn't, and trust me when I say this, if I could choose who to fall in love with, it wouldn't be you," her words cut deeper than they should, and the cold exterior I put up threatens to slip away. "But it happened, and I have no control over it, Vega." She steps closer, desperate, damaged beyond repair. "I fell for you, I'm _in_ _love _with you, I – God, Tori, just say something," her voice breaks with a plea as she watched me with those gorgeous icy blues, biting her lip hard enough to puncture the skin.

I can't do it. I slip.

"What do you want me to say, Jade?" I whisper, gazing at her. "I can't give you this. I can't – I can't do it."

_I can't do this to you. You deserve something more, and I'm choosing to let you go._

"You can't, or you _won't?_" She presses on, her jaw a straight line as her gaze becomes hard.

"Both. Neither. I don't know, but what I know is that I don't feel the same way."

And it's true. I don't. I'm not in love with her. I'm _obsessed _with her. What I feel is an all-consuming fire that destroys me from within, and if I let it out, it will take her down with me.

And I can't allow that.

You know, we are not that different, her and I. I'm just as twisted, but for me, it's not an act to hide behind.

I actually enjoy being like _this_. Manipulating, destroying, damaging, breaking. Putting up an adorable innocent façade while getting what I want. That's me. That's who I really am.

Yeah. A terrible profile.

I mean, I did add kiwi to Trina's voice-enhancing products just so I could go up on the stage. She's been allergic to it since she was five.

And then I met her. I met her, and I had to have her, had to get under her skin and break her from the inside. She was a challenge, a shiny new toy for me to disassemble and rebuild the way I wanted it to be. She walked into my life just as it was getting boring, lighting it up with all the possibilities. I was filled with glee as I imagined shattering her to pieces, making her another one of my conquests, fools that are hopelessly in love with me, lapdogs that worship me at my feet.

Falling for her was never on my to-do list. Letting her spend the night wasn't there, either. Staying up late just so I could watch her as she sleeps wasn't something I ever imagined myself doing.

And yet I did all of this and more. I let myself get lost in her intense gaze as our sexcapades turned into slow love-making. I let her kiss me, _really_ kiss me with all the raw passion and feeling she had for me, and I reciprocated with everything I was.

I love her. I love her, and it's pure, genuine, _real_ – everything that I'm not and never was.

And because of this I have to do a right thing by _her_.

If only she wasn't making it so hard by being so perfect, so intense, so _Jade._

"Tori," I haven't noticed her approaching me, and now she is right in front of me, her head bent slightly as she tilts my chin up to meet my gaze. "Don't walk away from this," she whispers, her eyes enveloping me with warmth I didn't deserve. "Please," she laughs suddenly, the sound void of mirth. "Fuck, you actually have me begging here."

Ironically, that was all I was aiming for when I started my pursuit, and now, it twists my stomach in guilt.

"Please," a word falls from her lips, and then she brushes them against my mouth, and it doesn't matter how much I fight myself. I let it go, this one last time, allowing myself to feel everything for this girl, pouring out my heart into the kiss and trying to convey just how sorry I was for this.

Her lips are soft and warm and salty, and I don't even realize that the wetness is from my fresh tears as they tumble down my cheeks.

_God, I love you. I love you so much, and I want nothing more than to hold you and kiss you and make love to you, but I can't._

I part from her, taking a step back and taking in her lost expression as she understands what I'm about to do.

_I'm sorry. I love you._

"Jade. Stop. You're making it unnecessarily harder for yourself," I try to steady my voice as I say this, and I hope to God I succeed.

"What are you gonna say, huh, Vega?" She sneers at me. Jade, please, just stop. Stop fighting for me. Stop trying to win me.

_Because if you don't, I'll start believing that I'm worth it._

"You're going to say you don't feel anything for me? You're gonna give me 'it's not you, it's me' crap, huh? Go on, then," she takes a step towards me, a determined fire in her eyes. "Because I'm really interested how will you explain the fact that you're crying right now." I wipe at my cheeks in shock only to feel the traitorous wetness under my fingers. "Or the way you kissed me just now. Or the way you grasp at me as we make _love_," she ends in a whisper, her gaze pleading. "I don't understand why you're pushing me away, Tori, but I promise it's not important. Nothing matters but _us_."

Exactly. You don't understand why, Jade, and I doubt you will.

You're not in love with _me_. You fell for Tori Vega, a sweet, adorable dork, and I know you will find her somewhere, in a year or two or ten, under different name, with different looks, but she's not me. She'll never be me, and that's why you have to give up on me.

Please.

"There is no us."

The steel finality in my voice is unmistakable, and she knows it.

"There never will be an 'us'."

_No, Jade. Please don't be so crushed. I'm not worth it._

"Because all you ever was to me is a good fuck. Nothing more."

_Don't cry. You're killing me, and I hate myself for doing this._

"Now please see yourself out."

_Say something. Anything. Don't walk away, please. _

"I hope it's clear to you that we are done here."

_Save me._

"Fine," she bits out at me, fury in her eyes making them even stormier. "Then I hope it's clear to you than you shouldn't wait for me to come back."

I still will wait for you. Every day for the rest of my pathetic fucked-up life, even though I know that I will never let you back in.

"I wasn't planning on it."

She turns around to head out before stopping in her tracks to throw last glance at me.

"Never thought that out of all people to cut me so deep, it would be you that hurt the most." She's silent for a beat, letting me absorb what she said. "I never knew you were capable of doing something like this to me, and that's why I trusted you." Jade, please, don't say it, don't say what you're about to- "Guess I shouldn't have."

I'm numb.

The door closes with a soft click, but I'm obvious to my surroundings as I stagger back to the wall, sliding down its length as I finally allow myself to sob.

She really gave up on me.

Then again, it's not possible for her to give up on me if she never knew me at all.

But _I_ knew _her._

I curl in a ball as she pulls away, the sound of her car coming to life tearing me apart. As she drives away, I stop clinging to the false hope that she will actually _understand_ and come back and promise me that everything will be okay because she's here and she's not going anywhere.

I think I broke a new record today: ripping out both her heart and mine in a matter of seconds. I'd chuckle if it didn't hurt so fucking much.

I'm so fucking sorry, Jade.


End file.
